Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
