I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
