i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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