my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
