So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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