i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
