is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
