Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my poor anus
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
