And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
