and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
