I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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