Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
