When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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