Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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