She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
