you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
