i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
