this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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