you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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