She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
