Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
two words...techno handjob
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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