i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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