i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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