can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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