You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize