Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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