wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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