Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
