There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
