I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
