I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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