we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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