Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
