that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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