Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
