dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize