So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm at about main and main street
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
