Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
