Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
