I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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