OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize