I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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