bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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