it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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