he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
