oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think I died a long time ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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