why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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