Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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