I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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