fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
