Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
