So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
