Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
