I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
