these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
