All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
