Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
