You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
