i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Randomize
