I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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