this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
