Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize