i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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