Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
