We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
