so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
