So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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