So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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