Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
