Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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