it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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