I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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