I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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